Why should a Christian woman submit?
June 3, 2008
I have been contemplating the meaning of biblical womanhood lately, and I’ve come to the conclusion that each woman must come to the place in her life where it is obvious that God is humbling her, and bringing her to a place of submission.
This is a mystery, but it’s all part of God’s plan - submission.
When we submit to authority as a citizen of our country, we show respect and reverence due to those in authority such as police officers, government agents, or community and civic leaders. Out of humility of our position, we actively and purposefully place ourselves in a position of servitude as we esteem and honor those in rankings of authority.
I believe that God has ordained order, ranks, and levels within the Kingdom Army. The family unit is one way in which the Lord reveals His awesome order. When a husband and wife begin to understand true divine order of the Christian home, the ideas of submission versus dominion become clear.
Truth be told, both man and woman were created for dominion, to rule over the earth and subdue it. But neither man nor woman were created to dominate each other. However, here’s food for thought: both man and woman were created to submit to one another! You will see this as true when you read many of Paul’s letters in the New Testament to the Church. Submitting to one another “in the fear of the Lord” is something both husbands and wives will participate in as brothers and sisters in the Lord, and also as husband and wife here on earth.
The wife is specifically requested to submit to her own husband as unto the Lord. I believe the emphasis here is not on the fact that it is the wife who should submit (because although the men of the homes are to lead with decisiveness and do have authority to carry out the family plans and make the final decisions, it will become clear in a home that is actually in order that a man will submit in friendship at times to his wife’s requests). This is absolutely NOT in any way related to women who want to control their husbands by manipulation or coercion. Instead, I believe the emphasis is on the fact that her submission is as unto the Lord. Note that it is considered a given that submission will take place in the Christian family. It goes both ways (and I’ll explain this in a minute). Women have been given the specific instruction to submit to her own husband. God didn’t command the man to submit to her (notice this, but keep reading).
However, here’s the deal.
A wise woman builds her house, while a foolish one tears it down.
A wise woman will discern that her submission only breeds a spirit of submission and peace within her home. What she sows, she reaps. Therefore, if she submits to her husband long enough and with a joyful attitude, it won’t be long before she finds that her husband may submit to many of her requests (notice I didn’t say demands!)
She will receive the answers to her many prayers, but not through manipulation, coercion, or domination. It won’t happen through yelling, shouting, criticizing, nagging, or harassing .
Ladies, if you are doing this to your husband, repent! Think about it…how often do we read parenting books and listen to parenting experts tell us never to treat our children with disrespect by nagging at them, yelling and shouting, or criticizing them? Now, if we treat our children with respect, how much more should we respect our dear husbands?
When we activate the fruit of the spirit called patience, and develop the godly habit of servitude and humility, we will serve out of respect to our Savior for giving us a husband to serve and show forth Christ’s love to him…and in due time, God will honor us with our heart’s desires. And not once will we have to nag, yell, or plead with our husbands for the things that we desire. God will move on our behalf as we are obedient to Him. Our prayers become more powerful the more we seek to serve our fellow man (our husbands).
In summary, a Christian woman should submit:
- to give reverence to her husband
- to assist in maintaining the order of ranking within the family unit so that her husband may have the power to lead in his home, as opposed to operating in frustration because his wife has tied his hands in an attempt to control her environment
- to allow the fruit of patience to be worked in her life
- to allow humility and servitude to become second nature in her heart
- to bring glory to God as He becomes her main source even when her husband is unable to meet her requests
Sign up to receive breaking news 
Thanks for keeping in touch. I enjoy what you have been sharing. Thanks for your prayers. Yes I believe that submission is part of God’s plan for every lady. It helps us to feel and see the impact of his grace. Submission applied with God’s grace brings about great results in a couples relationship. We all go through our moments of difficulty when it comes to submission. But Grace will enable us to apply this wonderful concept to our relationship with our husband or others who are our mentors etc.
Thank you for writing about submitting. As I grew stronger in the Word; the Lord revealed what I needed to to do to have peace and love in my home. I was not submitting to my husband but what a difference now. My husband is not frustrated and is more relaxed when he is at home. I so enjoy spending time with my husband now because we are not always fighting about small things. Praise God for that. So thank you again.
Sadly we live in a society that thinks the word submission is demeaning. I have been doing bible studies with our women in our congregation on this very subject and that is how I know that many churches have not been teaching true Godly submission to our women. Every since I became a Christian I was blessed with women who taught me about submission according to God’s word and I must say my marriage was reborn right along with both my husband and I.
Eph 5:22 is so clear , Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
If we are truely Christians than we ought to be saying “All the Lord says we will do”. When a husband is a Christian he is the spiritual head of your home. His submission is directly to the Lord and we should be in constant prayer that his spiritual direction is according to the Lord.
A final thought I share with the ladies is when you speak to your husband think of Jesus standing right behind him looking at you.
This may help when you are being a continual droppping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman which is one of the same. Proverb 27:15.
please.
-if you read this. please i need a miracle== for my marriage. submisstion is a real problem for me. we have been married 19 yrs. things are really bad. my husband is saved. please pray. separate candee
Submission is the cornerstone of the family. I grew up with no male figure in my life. I have been learning how to submit. I have had to learn to stop being right all the time. Our children are learning the chain of command in our house. Dad is the General, I am the Colonial, our oldest daughter (15), is the first leutinent, our son is leutinent J.G. (he’s 14) and the baby is PFC. The kids understand the military aspect easier than me yelling “listen to your sister!” Or the whole “because I am the mom” even better than “because I said so.”
In fact, as I have been learning to submit to my husbands authority, peace is the norm in our house. Yelling at the children has stopped. My husband and I don’t even have a cross word. I get my point across in a discussion easily, because my husband will listen to my counsel and knows that the decision is his to make. Having the responsiblity on his shoulders, helps him turn to the Lord, knowing that he (my husband) will stand before the Lord, to answer for our family.
I am blessed that my husband is a believer. But, the joy in my spirit, the calm in my heart, and the blessings I now can see more clearly can be any woman’s. I call to all women to submit to their husbands whether or not they are saved. In fact, a submissive heart and a joyious spirit and love with the Lord can soften a hard heart and allow the Holy Spirit to do His work.
Thank you and God Bless
Thanks so much for your enlightening article. The “submission” thing has always seemed to me such a bitter pill to swallow! I’ve been seeking guidance on this subject, and praying to God for an explanation that makes sense to me (although I know that his ways are not always understandable to us). And you make an excellent point when you say that in our society, “submission” is a bad word. However, most people would agree with you that in any group of people, authority and rank are necessary to keep order. We just have a hard time translating that concept to our own homes and marriages.
My husband is not saved, and that is why I have felt, until now, that I could not simply hand over to him the keys to the castle. But Paul never said that my submission to my husband is dependent on my husband’s status with God. I have to be reminded that an integral part of God’s plan for my unsaved husband involves offering up my self and my interactions with him as a testimony to the power of Christ.
In the end, I guess it really comes down to an issue of obedience to God. God wants us to submit to our husbands. Period.
It’s encouraging to read the article here and encouraging reading some of the comments.
I’m a man.
My wife has had an up and down Christian walk Sometimes shes felt as if she’s far beyond me other times -like now- she feels she not that close to the Lord. But she’s never really tried or considered being submissive in the way spoken of here very often.
A Christian brother of mine and I just got off the phone with each other, commiserating and encouraging each other to continue with the marriages because the Lord wills it even our wives treat everyone in the speaking distant with more respect and kindness than to us. It’s not that bad for me at the moment but even this relatively blessed time our 7 year old daughter ask me “why is Mommy so mean to you Daddy?” . All I could say was that, she’s not always that way and that we need to pray for her to keep doing better.
Your comments above about the General etc. is an interesting contrast to our home. She acts like a general But I still do what I want to do. And manage over time to steer her in a direction that works for us on major decisions but it’s a dodgey game that’s exhausting. And the “little” things that are mentioned above also are what make our house an uninviting place for me to return to. I’ll never clean up behind myself in exactly the way she does, NEVER. be a little grateful that I’m trying. But no, every dish is a battle ground, for what? I try to ignore it, or joke out of it, tell her you catch more flies with honey etc .
Whatever,
ladies I applaud you. Pray for the rest of us guys out here trying to be good Christian men. We’re not perfect and don’t expect our wives to be either. But you really can’t have 2 heads. And a woman leading the house doesn’t really look right to anyone but the woman trying to do it.
It sure doesn’t seem to look right to God.
PS.
I hesitate to go here but it came up in my phone conversation with my buddy.
As God as my witness. my wife, who was going though a rough emotional patch to be sure, cut me off sexually for 6 years. completely. that ended about 1 years ago. My buddy says he’s been with his wife once last week, and that was the 1st time this year for them. It’s July 30. She goes to church twice a week. He says he’s been faithful to his wife. but it’s been difficult. the fact that i had my issue actually gave him some relief. I was faithful to my wife as well. I never committed adultery in anyway. But after the 1st 2 years I slipped into viewing pornography. I never had an issue with that before. but It became a part of life. Now it’s something that really have to pray and shield myself from to keep out of my life. It’s not her fault but the the Bible is true when it says that a married couple should “come together” on a regular basis “lest Satan temp you”. I really feel my spiritual edge is duller now than the years prior. God’s grace is wonderful but also great to walk in holiness not full of lust. Which is one of the MAIN reasons to get married. “It’s better to marry than to burn.”. I mean, If i just wanted a roommate I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me.